Almost Complete Bliss...

D&C 101:36

"Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full."

A few months ago I was having a panic attack. I was pregnant with our 4th child and was sure it was a girl, but the next day was the big ultrasound and I wanted a name for a boy just in case. My husband is pretty easy going but for some odd reason he "thought" that since he's a man, he should name the boys.

Do you hear my silent chuckle.

Well we narrowed it down and decided within 15 minutes. We're just cool like that.

Elijah Cedron.

First of all, Elijah is the Samuel L. Jackson of all the prophets. Mocking the priests of Baal? Calling fire down from heaven?

Awesome.

Then I was reading in the New Testament and came across Cedron which is a valley in Jerusalem where the Mount of Olives is.

Elijah Cedron. It was well.

And that's a good thing because I guess I wasn't so sure it was a girl and I was then prepared for the little boy to come to our home. I'm big on listening to the radio after finding out the gender of our children because call me crazy, but sometimes I find simple messages in them to me. This time 2 songs came on that stuck out to me... the first was "Girls" (All I really want is girls) by the Beastie Boys which I found totally entertaining. And the 2nd was "Come Together" by the Beatles.

To say that I live in fear wouldn't be exactly correct. I'm for the most part peaceful and calm. I live my life normally and healthy. I do the things I should do. I trust God because I know He knows better than I do. With that said, in all honesty, I still am anxious because I know pain. I know sorrow. I know what it's like to have to live without a child. But like I said, I trust Heavenly Father. I have faith and it's like this song was saying to me, it's OK. I just need to "come together, right now, over me (Elijah)".

Well, let me just add my testimony that our loving Father knows us individually. I was able to go to the temple a week before my sweetheart was due and I felt this overwhelming feeling that I am known. That my name is important and that my son's name is important. And what do you know... in General Conference there was a whole talk about Elijah!!

What is my point in posting about this? I have no clue. I just felt like after hearing THIS in conference I needed to add my witness that things happen in life for a reason. We may feel like all is lost, but our agency is never lost. We can choose to follow Christ always no matter what. We can choose to love our Heavenly Father and trust that our joy will be full again.

If you've lost a baby, I promise to be your breastfeeding buddy in the Resurrection and we'll nurse our little ones under the Tree of Life!

Hospitals are stressful and I was super nervous after Eli was born. However, after I received a priesthood blessing I felt much better and much more calm. I heard my angel baby (my sweet Joe) say very clearly, "Mommy, perfect love casteth out fear."

I have a new sweet perfect beautiful baby boy. He was 7 lbs 2 oz and 22" long. (The smallest of all my children) He will be 1 month on Oct. 15 and is up to 9 lbs. His sisters constantly want to hold him and touch and love him. They are the best big sisters ever. We are so blessed.

With that said, I'm sorry if I don't get ideas posted in a timely manner. Please rest assured, I'm still keeping up the blog. But yeah, if things aren't up it's because I'm cuddling my sweet Eli and smothering him with kisses or just being amazed by my sweetest blessings.