Learn to Listen, Listen to Learn

Image courtesy Creative Commons License flickr.com by gari baldi/ thomas mues May 2004

The other day I was at a Pack Meeting and I was talking to a cub scout and all of a sudden another adult came over and I did a horrible thing. I stopped listening to the child and listened to the adult. Usually if 2 children do this, it's not a problem... I can listen to 2 talk at the same time and carry out multiple conversations.

Of course, at times I do have to hold up the "one moment finger".

And really, I should have done that to the adult.

I have no explanation for what I was thinking.

No clue.

I did immediately recognize what I did as wrong and apologized within 1 minute. But I could tell our conversation was done.

Until I brought up a "skinning squirrel" story that I happened to have up my sleeve for exact moments like this.

Bless you Ryan Hansen and all Boy Scouts with possible hyperactivity issues.

A smile returned, but oh if I had just done what I was supposed to.

To what I'm committed to.

Listening to children.

I, of course, can not put it as well as the apostles. Hello, I have to add in bits of squirrel skinning to get a point across. But Elder Russel M. Nelson has said,

"Parents and teachers, learn to listen, then listen to learn from children. A wise father once said, "I do a greater amount of good when I listen to my children than when I talk to them... The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard.

Children are naturally eager to share their experiences, which range from triumphs of delight to trials of distress. Are we as eager to listen? If they try to express their anguish, is it possible to listen openly without going into a state of shock ourselves? Can we listen without interrupting and without making snap judgements that slam shut the door of dialogue?

Wise parents and teachers, listen to learn from children."
(From Perfection Pending and Other Favorite Discourses)

I have a Primary friend with ADD. Letting him draw star wars pictures really helps him relax and stay calm in Primary. But I've also found he likes to talk about them. Can it be a little distracting... you betcha. But I know that he needs a listening ear. He needs to educate me about Jango Fett? and I need to learn, because really I don't know a single thing about Star Wars. Barbie movies, covered. (Yes, I full on cried during Barbie Island Princess) Darth Maul, not so much.

I'm not doing the topic justice. So I'll just leave you with the profound words of the Savior Himself. Ponder this and understand what it truly means to listen,

"Before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear."

Isaiah 65:24

Thoughts on Reverence

Image from Google search, no accredited source

I have a friend who recently wrote:

"I am in a Primary Presidency in MA and absolutely love all your ideas. Our primary is about 80 kids which naturally brings a lot of enthusiasm and energy. Our reverence, while never fantastic, has recently plummeted. I am trying to find ideas or techniques and tools that might help us bring a little more reverence into Primary so the kids have more opportunities to feel the Spirit. I have found a few ideas online but the majority involve bribing the kids. Our kids already get candy--and lots of it--from their teachers (despite requests to limit it). I don't think providing them with more sugar would be too helpful. I am okay bribing them with experiences or privileges but don't want to do more treats. On the other hand, since it is something I would hope that we could have more routinely than not, setting up the expectation for benefits for polite behavior gives me pause.
Anyway, I wondered if you would feel like doing a post about any reverence thoughts you have. Thanks."

Sigh. Reverence.

Can you relate?

I pray for the spirit to guide me.

Let me preface first with this, if you are struggling and sometimes come home after church with a headache and feelings nothing short of frustration and sorrow... I want you to know you are doing a great job and everything will work out. If we had star trek technology I'd beam on over and give you a big hug and kiss on the cheek. Maybe split some watermelon and just relax together listening to Bob Marley. But more importantly, the Savior knows you and is ready to give you a big hug and tell you the exact same thing and help out however you let Him. Perhaps, sans Bobby.


I was struck with this quote from Robert D. Hales, “Our Duty to God: The Mission of Parents and Leaders to the Rising Generation,” Ensign, May 2010, 95–98"


" For our interactions with youth to truly touch their hearts, we have to pay attention to them just as we would pay attention to a trusted adult colleague or close friend. Most important is asking them questions, letting them talk, and then being willing to listen—yes, listen and listen some more—even hearken with spiritual ears! Several years ago I was reading the newspaper when one of my young grandsons snuggled up to me. As I read, I was delighted to hear his sweet voice chattering on in the background. Imagine my surprise when, a few moments later, he pushed himself between me and the paper. Taking my face in his hands and pressing his nose up to mine, he asked, “Grandpa! Are you in there?”.... Being there means understanding the hearts of our youth and connecting with them. And connecting with them means not just conversing with them but doing things with them too."


I bring up that quote in connection to reverence in that sometimes we are the ones with the lesson to learn. Jesus, our Savior, said "Suffer little children, forbid them not, to come unto me: for such is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 19:14) Our children are perfect, so it's up to us to "pay attention" and alter our teaching to accommodate maximum learning by the Spirit.

Best ways to establish reverence:

1. Pray to Heavenly Father for help.
Sometimes we forget, as terrible as it is to say. But if there is a problem, the best solution is the Big Man Himself.


2. Know the primary children!!
Have a solid relationship with them where they know YOU care about THEM.

* Become friends! Call children up on the phone to see how their day was and thank them for such a wonderful talk last week, go to school musical performances, stop by a baseball game to cheer, say hi to children by name as they enter the room, pat a child on the back and say "I'm so glad you are here to today!".... We will get more out of our callings if we put in more.
* Do you spend more time talking to your counselors and teachers or the children?
* Do you smile at the children and make them feel welcome?


3. Plan lessons that involve the children, get them moving and are age appropriate.
I'm going to say something and it might not sit well, but it's true: 95% of the time, if sharing time doesn't go well it's the adult's fault.

* No one likes to be talked at. Children should talk more than you do! It's called Sharing Time, not Lecture Series of the Gospel for 5 year olds.

* Children shouldn't have to sit still (especially Junior Primary) the entire time. They should be allowed to wiggle and use their bodies in the learning process.
* If you are going to get the children moving, there will be noise... BUT SET EXPECTATIONS CLEARLY (see #4)... Please share your answer with your neighbor and remember! I should hear mouse voices, NOT lion voices!!
* Give warnings before you want to wrap things up... Ok my friends, 30 more seconds and everyone should be in their own seat! I'll know you're ready when I see your arms folded and smiles on your faces. Thank you!
* Do you follow the sharing time outline and really think about the 2 questions that are repeated at the top EVERY MONTH - "What will the children DO to learn, and how can I help them feel the spirit?"


4. Set your expectations high and make them very clear.
Church is the place where we come to worship and learn about our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It's OK to have fun, but boundaries need to be set... and they need to be clear to the children.

* Hands need to be raised, we need to listen to each other respectfully, keep all body parts to ourselves.
* Follow through on things you say, if you've warned Johnny about kicking Billy and told him you're going to take him to mom if he does that again... take him to mom! Primary needs to be a place where children feel safe, it's OK to go over rules with children often... just do so in a manner where they are engaged. Can you show me with your hands what we do during sharing time? What about with our feet? Can you blink your eyes very fast if you think we should listen to others while they share answers? Or with older children, Can someone tell me something Laman and Lemuel would do during primary? What about Nephi?
* If you want the children to listen to you when you talk, then listen to them when they talk. DON'T TALK OVER CHILDREN. If they can't hear you, then they need to quiet down. What you have to say is important, so wait until you have FULL ATTENTION. You don't have to be overly stern about it either, "My friends, I love you. I have an important Duty to God to be a good teacher. You also have an important Duty to God, and that is to learn of Him. Neither you or I can do our duty unless we have on our listening ears and our mouths wait their turn to speak. Please take out your pencils (fingers) and write in the air, I can do my duty! Exclamation mark! Thank you. Now pencils down, eyes on me, by raise of hand who can tell me..."


5. Be Energetic!!
I'm not talking spazzy cheerleader energetic... just a hint of enthusiasm, moderate volume, happy to be at primary energetic. I know it might seem contradictory to be upbeat when you might want more of a calm atmosphere, but if you can grab their attention and keep it, you'll have your window of opportunity to share what is most important.

* In all honesty, how do you learn? Do you learn best from talks at Sacrament that are dry, lifeless and monotone... or do you learn from talks that are peppy, to the point and positive?



*******Now, going back to my friend... you've mentioned a few things that have red flags popping in my mind:


1. You are absolutely right to NOT want to give the children candy. They don't need it. Hello, thank you Jaime Oliver and Food Revolution. Not to mention the handbook which the PROPHETS have given us states for us to not have food in primary!! As for teachers that are not following the handbook, if you've asked them to stop and they're not, take it up with the Bishop. It really is a serious matter and again, you're right... sugar will not help the matter.

And before I get some crazy comment, here it is "What is the policy for food in Primary? Food should only be provided when it is included as part of a lesson or as a snack for the children in the nursery class. Be sure to consult with the parents of each child about any dietary restrictions that may be caused by conditions such as diabetes or allergies (see Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2, 239)." Don't get upset with me, take it up with the Prophet.


2. Bribing children.... no thank you!!! They are perfect, despite what we may be thinking as they spend 4 minutes straight picking a booger and then eating it. Yum.

There is a big difference between bribing and rewarding good behavior.

I prefer the spontaneous positive reinforcement... "Oh my! You all are being such great listeners! Thank you so much, you know what... Sister So and So can you please go get a member of the bishopric and bring him here so I can tell him what a lucky ward we are to have such fantastic children who listen so well! And then do so!! Or tell the children, wow... everyone has participated so nicely, raised their hands politely and helped out our lessons so well that I'm just going to have to call your parents!! I'm going to go home and surprise 3 wonderful primary friends with a phone call!!! Thank you!! Thank you!!!


I also liked choosing sticks for a reverent superstar of the day. You want to keep it positive,so tell the primary they were all so helpful and wonderful you can't choose one yourself- you have to draw sticks! (Like popsicle sticks with all the children's names on it in a can) It makes them feel special and you're using the fairness of a can.... make sure everyone gives themselves a big pat on the back though because primary wouldn't be primary without ALL their happy and reverent shining spirits! And never use this to threaten the children, like I'm going to take your stick out so you can't be chosen. Keep primary a happy place, children don't need downers and grumps in their lives... they need loving, supportive and patient leaders.

Draw a mystery picture or phrase on the board. Say the only way to figure out the mystery is to have good manners and listening in primary. Reverence is the key to unlock! Then as you go throughout the lesson, thank children and state what they have done right and draw a piece of your picture. Tell them how proud you are that they could earn their whole picture at the end by being so great!


Reverence-O-Meter! Right on! Draw a thermometer on the board, then fill in with chalk as you notice the children participating and showing good manners. Make sure to tell them what they did right as you fill in, "Oh Sara! You are so helpful, thank you for raising your hand to share your answer, and I'm going to fill in a little more on this because the class behind you was listening very carefully and showing you respect while you spoke. Thank you!!"

Bring our Savior into the matter. "You guys, do you see what picture I'm standing next to? Who is this? Jesus, yes!! You have been holding your feet so still, and singing so nicely during the songs and thinking so hard for all our questions... how do you think you've made our Savior feel? I bet you're right, I think Jesus is smiling a really big smile because you've made Him so happy with your good manners. Thank you so much!"


I also wanted to bring up when you use good manners with children, you'll get it back. Don't expect thank you's, please's and excuse me's when you yourself aren't using them... I think I'm starting to ramble now, so time to get back on point. There is no need to "bribe" children. We don't want to be the reason behind tomorrow's future political failures.

3. Always make sure as the children come in, that the proper tone for the sharing time is set. Prelude music should be playing, there should be soft voices... you can have a child that is being reverent come up to the front and hold a picture of Christ, then choose another child to hold it and have the other one sit down as everyone files in. The room should already be set up (if possible). When you have a good start, that makes things easier.

You can click HERE to see what the church has to say on teaching and expecting appropriate behavior.

You can also click HERE to hear me babble some more on behavior in primary.

If I may end by repeating again this phrase from Elder Hales, "Most important is asking them questions, letting them talk, and then being willing to listen—yes, listen and listen some more—even hearken with spiritual ears! " Prepare good lessons way ahead of time, pray to Father for guidance, and get to know those whom you teach. These are the keys to having a happy Primary, and when you have a happy Primary- reverence is sure to follow. Lastly, REFLECT. Think about what is working and what is not. Take whatever you are struggling with to the Big Man and He will lead you.

I encourage anyone else out there to share ideas that have worked for them too! This is a very common issue, one that every primary has to deal with at one time or another. Don't stress about it, Jesus is awesome... it will all work out. Much love to you my friend in the Bay State... hooray for outlawing greyhound racing! And thanks for your kind words and for writing!

Junior Primary Verses Senior Primary Tidbit

Image of "The Hoff" courtesy a google search. He sang in 1989 on the Berlin Wall. Was he instrumental in helping end the cold war? I don't know. Perhaps those from Germany who read this blog can tell us.

One day I'll die and my children will have this blog to teach their children. Am I morbid? Yes. But teaching is important to me. And so I share my thoughts.

Here is a tidbit. If you push down on a bug, even slightly (And I'm not talking about Texas sized bugs, just normal Nevadan bugs) you will kill it.

Question: Is it necessary to put down Junior Primary to Senior Primary? For example- Oh, you learned the song soooooo much faster than Junior Primary! Or Junior Primary doesn't listen as well as Senior Primary does!

Really. What is the point of that? The only good thing that we tore down was the Berlin Wall. We don't need to do that to our children.

Point: THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Praise the Lord! Praise the Children! Language and Vocabulary in Primary Part II

Applause Bus Image Courtesy Creative-Commens license flickr.com by Laughing Squid March 8, 2009

On page 242 of the Hymn book is one of my favorite songs. It's short, simple and to the point.

"Praise God, from whom all blessings flow; Praise Him, all creatures here below; Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Host; Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost."

The song reminds me of the D6 bus in Washington DC. More than once someone would get on the bus and say, "Praise the Lord." and we'd all shout back, "Praise the Lord." and clap, shaking our heads with an "Amen Sister." It made me not want to leave the bus, a little community of believers of different races, backgrounds and religions with one moment shared in gratitude to our Supreme Creator.

We need to praise our Lord in Primary. This is done by:

1. Making sure all lessons focus on Him.

2. Bearing testimony of Him.

3. Making singing time happy, because Psalms 135:3 says,
"Praise the Lord; for the Lord is good: sing praises unto his name; for it is pleasant."

Another great hymn is on page 232 "Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words."

Verse 1 says "Let us oft speak kind words to each other At home or where’er we may be; Like the warblings of birds on the heather, The tones will be welcome and free. They’ll gladden the heart that’s repining, Give courage and hope from above, And where the dark clouds hide the shining, Let in the bright sunlight of love."

[Chorus] "Oh, the kind words we give shall in memory live And sunshine forever impart.Let us oft speak kind words to each other;Kind words are sweet tones of the heart."

Verse 2 says, "Like the sunbeams of morn on the mountains, The soul they awake to good cheer; Like the murmur of cool, pleasant fountains, They fall in sweet cadences near. Let’s oft, then, in kindly toned voices, Our mutual friendship renew, Till heart meets with heart and rejoices In friendship that ever is true."

One of the accompanying scriptures for this song is Proverbs 16: 24, "Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones."

When we talk about praising God, it's more to the effect of glorifying. When we talk about praising children, it's to the effect of being positive and giving them merit and value.
"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." Mark Twain.

In my previous post there were some "do not's". Now I give you the "do's". Here is my challenge to you : Use 20 of these positive and kind phrases to children, teachers and whomever happens to be in your primary NEXT WEEK. Have someone tally for you and then ask yourself the questions Did primary go smoother? Was the spirit felt stronger? Do I feel closer to Christ because of this challenge?

The following are quoted/adapted from http://www.sd40.bc.ca/kelvin/compliments.htm

" You are:
Great! Phenomenal! Superb! Cool! Out Of Sight! Excellent! Terrific! Wonderful! Special!

Unbelievable Answer! Two Thumbs Up! You've Got It! Way To Go! Outstanding Singing!
You've Outdone Yourself! Marvelous! Your Help Counts, thank you! Amazing Effort!

Bravo! Exceptional! Breathtaking! Keep Up The Good Work! First Rate Work! Fantastic Work!

You Should Be Proud! I Knew You Had It In You! Very Good! Stupendous! Sensational!
What a wonderful Imagination! Awesome! You're A Great Example For Others! You Made It Happen! You're A Real Trooper! It Couldn't Be Better! Good For You!

You're A Good Sport! You Made The Difference! Take A Bow! Super Job! How Thoughtful Of You! Nice Going! You're A Class Act! Well Done! You're Inspiring! How Artistic!

You Go The Extra Mile! Hooray For You! Great Answer! You Deserve A Hug!
High Five! Wow! You're Getting Better! You're Tops! You're Amazing! What A Great Idea!
You Figured It Out! You've Got What It Takes! You're Neat! You're A Joy! You're A Shining star! Spectacular!

You tried hard singing, thank you! The Time You Put In Really Shows! Remarkable! Far Out!
How Extraordinary! You're A Winner! You Came Through! That's Incredible! 5 Star Job!
You're Super! You Can Do It! You're The Greatest! Sweet! Great Effort! How Original!
What A Genius! You're A Natural! Very Brave! You're A Pleasure To Know! Way To Go!

You're Sharp! Congratulations, you got it! I'm Proud Of You! Thank You For Caring!
I'm Impressed! You're Very Talented! Great Discovery! You're A Champ! Right On!
You're So Kind! Thanks For Helping! You're A-OK! Magnificent! You've Earned My Respect!

You've Made Progress! Outstanding Effort! Neat job! I Love It! Beautiful! Clever! Brilliant!

That's Perfect! Right On! Your Best Singing ever! Expressive! You've Improved so much!
Keep It Up! Nice One! Incomparable! Incredible! I Appreciate Your Help! Good Leadership!
Great Job! Stunning! You Rule! That's Very Kind! You Make Me Smile! You Rock! You're An
Angel! That's The Way! Good For You!

A Job Well Done! You're A Good Friend! Way To Use Your Head! Radical! Alright! You're Very Patient! Wonderful! Way To Be Responsible! Getting Better All The Time! Worthy Of An Oscar!

Better Than Ever! Super Duper! Great Dedication! Top Notch! Hats Off To You! Spectacular!

Good Try! Very Courageous! I Like It! Great Enthusiasm! Lovely! Very Resourceful! You are a masterpiece!"

Proper. Proper. Proper. Language and Vocabulary in Primary Part I.

I'm going to make a point. It will be a good point, hopefully. For this point to really come alive though and make sense I will need to refer to Cranford, a PBS Masterpiece Theatre program that aired in April 2008 and can be checked out at your local library.

Cranford is a small town in England and the time 1840. Women are proper. Women have manners. Women are dignified.

My husband who wears dreadlocks and thinks Vin Diesel is awesome... cough cough... watched this Cranford series with me and loved it. I loved it. It made me want to be more of a "lady".

I have had experiences in Primary and even Sacrament Meetings where language was used that didn't invite the spirit. I would like to throw out a couple of questions for you to ponder:

1. At the last General Conference did you hear an apostle or any other speaker use the word "crap"?

2. Have you ever read an Ensign article where someone said "shut up"?

3. When Alma refers to his persecuting the church or mistakes he has made does he ever use the phrase, "Man, I really screwed up"?

These words in quotation may seem like small words and perhaps they are, pray and judge for yourself. May I suggest that there is a problem though, when those words are used more often than words like "Jesus" or "Savior" or "I bear testimony" in a 2 hour time period.

John S. Gholdston, “Words of Darkness, Words of Light,” Ensign, Jan 1992, 57 says:

" What is it that we should be teaching our children to avoid?

Blasphemy is only one element of the profanity problem that President David O. McKay described as “all too prevalent” in society, and “though we say it with embarrassment, all too frequently used in the Church.” (Improvement Era, Nov. 1948, p. 686.)

Elder Bruce R. McConkie explained that profanity “embraces any language that shows contempt for holy things, that breathes a spirit of irreverence or blasphemy, or that is vulgar in nature, thus leaving a mental impression of unclean and unwholesome things. Profanity,” he emphasized, “is an evidence of a diseased soul.” (“Profanity,” Mormon Doctrine, 2d ed., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, Inc., 1966, p. 602.)

We know that the brain controls what words are spoken, but when we or our children allow a profanity to find a place in our vocabularies, the profanity, and not the brain, often seems to be in control. Profanity is a cyclic problem. The Spirit of the Lord withdraws from the presence of profanity, leaving the user with no spiritual guidance. Consequently the profanity may increase. (See Ensign, May 1986, p. 51.)

We must work closely and carefully with our children to help them choose to avoid that cycle or break the cycle if they have already begun. We cannot keep them from ever being exposed to bad language, but we can keep much of it at arm’s length. Our care in making the effort, if we do it in the right spirit, can have a positive effect as our children realize how important we consider the matter to be." End quote.

Now I'm not calling the people who use mildly crude language lepers. Elder McConkie is. So if you're offended, take it up with him in heaven. My point is WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE. It's simple.

We should be more like the ladies of Cranford. I leave you with their reaction to the word "suck" which I also believe should not be used at church.

[Mary has brought oranges as a present for Matty and Deborah]

Miss Deborah Jenkyns: I would prefer it if I did not enjoy oranges. Consuming them is a most incommodious business.

Miss Matty Jenkyns: There is not such a lot of juice, Deborah dear - only when they are sliced with a knife.

Mary Smith: At home we make a little hole in our oranges and we suck them. [Deborah looks horrified]

Miss Matty Jenkyns: That is the way I like to take them best, but Deborah says it is vulgar and altogether too redolent of a ritual undertaken by little babies. My sister does not care for the expression [whispers]

Miss Matty Jenkyns: "suck".

Miss Deborah Jenkyns: [primly] We will repair to our rooms... and consume our fruit in solitude. [embarrassed, Deborah gets up and leaves the table]

Sticks and Stones

Image courtesy creative commons license flickr.com by Chad Fust March 2007

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Another dear sister (Laura) of mine has raised an important question:
"Do you have any suggestions on what to do when children are completely disrespectful or mean to other children? As a presidency we want to maintain a positive environment as we address this issue but feel that it needs to be addressed as there has been problems both in and outside primary. We have about 120 children between junior and senior primary."

I am going to outline pages 84-87 of Teaching No Greater Call in response. Every single word was written from the source quoted.

"As President Hinckley observed, little problems will inevitably occur. Whether you are teaching in the home or at church, your lessons may at times be disrupted by the behavior of those you teach. In your efforts to help those who become disruptive, remember that you should not simply try to correct inappropriate behavior or make sure everyone is quiet; you should help learners become better disciples of the Savior. The following information will help you handle disruptions in a Christlike way.

1. Remember the worth of souls.
2. Seek to understand those you teach.
*consider all possible reasons for their behavior
3. Evaluate your own efforts.
* When those you teach behave disruptively, it is easy to focus on their conduct and fail to review your own.
* In your efforts to solve problems with disruptions, first consider whether the real source of the problem is something you are doing.
4. Evaluate your motives.
* Only those who are motivated by love will have a positive, powerful influence on those they teach. Pray to be filled with Christlike love toward every person you teach, especially those who sometimes behave inappropriately.
5. Help all class members contribute to a learning atmosphere.
* In a learning atmosphere, we (1) edify each other through our participation, (2) love and help each other, and (3) desire to search for truth together. Quote page 77.
*Elder Henry B. Eyering relates to the love we should feel when we meet to learn the gospel: " Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal, It is a necessity." Quote page 77.
* To teach family members or class members to contribute to a learning atmosphere, consider conducting a discussion using the following suggestions:

- Express your feelings about the gospel, and explain that you want to help others learn gospel truths.

-Discuss the responsibility we have to help one another learn the gospel.

- Talk about the importance of participating in lessons.

- Ask those present to suggest things they can do to help create a learning atmosphere. Quote page 78.

6. Respond in simple ways to occasional disturbances.

7. Make special efforts to help those who persistently cause disruptions.

*If someone is seriously disrupting the learning of others, you should neither ignore the problem nor act in an unkind way.

* D&C 121:41-44 In applying this counsel, it is helpful to understand the words betimes and sharpness. Betimes means promptly or in good time. In this passage, sharpness refers to the need to give clear, well-defined instructions.

*You should be gentle and meek when giving correction. note that reproving should be done only "when moved upon by the Holy Ghost" and should be followed by an increase of love.

* The following suggestions may help you if someone you teach becomes persistently disruptive.

- Speak privately with the person. You should do so tactfully and with love.

Describe the conduct that is disruptive while at the

same time making clear that you love and respect the person.

Ask for the person's support, and try to find solutions together.

Then do all you can to show increased love.

- Seek help from others. Your leaders want to help you with your teaching challenges. You can benefit from their ideas and assistance.

For example, they might ask someone to help with certain activities or sit

next to a child who is misbehaving.

If a child or youth has a pattern of disruptive behavior, seek the help of his or her parents.

If the person causing the disruptions has special needs, learn

what you can do to help him or her learn more effectively and behave more

appropriately.

-Be patient. Remember change takes time. Be consistently positive in your approach to the person. Do not be discouraged in he or she has a negative attitude in class."

Being mean and using unkind words is disruptive. Very much so and should not EVER be tolerated in your safe and loving primary environment. I feel strongly prompted not to share anything else except for what I have outlined from Teaching No Greater Call. Each primary is different and Heavenly Father will help you to know what to do for His little ones in your care.

On that same, but completely different note, I wish to just state why I do not do full outlines of sharing times. I did when I first started this blog, but now I don't. I feel strongly prompted that I shouldn't have detailed lesson plans on this site. When Elder Packer gave the challenge to use blogs in a Christlike manner to share the gospel, I prayed and prayed. I decided I'd do my very best to help little ones come closer to Christ. It's my only desire. I have a harder time having a pure love for adults and freely admit my grievous fault. But with children, there has never been a single one that I haven't adored. Primary fills my heart and soul.

In Greece they "Shhhh" the goats

(Image Courtesy Essjay is Happy in NZ Aug. 2005, found on flickr.com)

My mother is a teacher. A great teacher. A great mother. She is also Greek. Perhaps a great Greek? One thing my mother always told me is, "In Greece they shush/ "shhhhhh" the goats."

How can we maintain an atmosphere of reverence in primary... without "shhhh"-ing? After all, the children are not "cachikis" (goat in greek) and primary doesn't need to sound like a leaky faucet.

* Sing a song. Or sing a song. Did I mention sing a song?

*Quiet Signals. Let the children know when you give the signal, you expect attention and calm. For example say Give me 5 and hold up your hand. (Ask the children to hold up their hand and 5 fingers) Another example, using your hand cup your ear. (When they see you do this, they need put their hand to their ear... listening is important!!) Move on quickly. There's no need to chastise.

* Stand by a picture of the Savior, pointing to Him and quietly wait. (No more than 30 seconds, just enough to quickly get back to what you are doing with the primary's full attention)

* Touch your knees, your toes, your eyes and your nose. (whisper this and have them follow suit)

*Look at the ceiling, look at the floor, look at the door, look at Helen's shoe, smile at your neighbor, look at the picture of Christ. (speak this as quickly as you can and have them follow suit)

* Have the picture of Jesus stilling the storm (GAK 214) on a popsicle stick. Hold it up, you say peace, they say be still. Smile. Move on.

* Hold up a mirror. When it's quiet say "Can you see His image in your countenance?" I think so, thank you.

One reason we come to church is to learn about Heavenly Father and Jesus. To get closer to them. We need to PRAY beforehand that Primary will be uplifting and that the spirit may be felt. With God all things are possible. Be confident because the Lord is by our side when we are doing the things He asks.

Please Move Chairs

2 little boys are talking. They are into the lesson, they are obviously getting the point but...I'll start from the beginning.

I ask a girl to come up and step in a pretend puddle of mud. She's very dirty, covered head to toe. How will she get clean? I ask another girl to come up and spray some pretend paint on the chair. She does and even gets some on the ceiling. What will we do to get rid of this graffiti? I have to lift her up so she can cover up the paint on the ceiling. I have one more example, but before I can get to it, 2 little boys are talking. They are pretending to spray each other with paint and then paint over the graffiti.

What should I do? Should I:

ignore the disruptive behavior

talk over them

scold them

tell them they aren't being reverent

or....

Boys! You are so smart, you get the point! Please put the spray cans under your chair and think about our next example. (They still fidget with their cans so I step closer and whisper do you need to move chairs? Quickly they stop.)

*Be polite to children and make sure they know you mean what you say. Follow through my friends, follow through.

I invite another child to come up. This time I tell the boy that it was the first day of school and he told a lie. How or what can he do to fix this problem? He can't wash anything or paint over anything. A child shouts out repentance!!

What should I do? The child knew the answer, but when one starts shouting out others will follow suit. Should I:

ignore the disruptive behavior, after all it was the answer I was looking for!
scold them
tell them they aren't being reverent, but it was the right answer
or....

I'm so happy you know about repentance! You are brilliant! Please remember (I look at the boy and then direct my comment to all the children) to raise your hand when you have such a wonderful answer! (look back at the boy and smile, he's still smiling too)

*Be positive. Maintain an environment conducive to learning and where the spirit can be felt.

It's the last 5 minutes of sharing time and my 2 little friends, sweet 8 year old boys, are talking again and this time hands are pinching each other.

What should I do? Should I:

ignore them, keep on going- after all everyone else is paying attention.

scold them

tell them they aren't being reverent, stop it you guys, I've already had to tell you this one time before

or....

"Please move chairs." (One boy moves. Away from the other boy. It's simple.)

(I love this happy chairs!! picture courtesy Arne Jacobsen 1996)

I continue on about the importance of the atonement. I take the pennies out of the ketchup, clean them while bearing testimony that God will forgive and will remember our sins/mistakes no more if we truly repent. I feel the spirit. All eyes are on the penny. It's no longer old and grimy, it's shiny and like new.

We, as teachers, are going to have moments that interrupt learning. The way we respond to our children's behavior can be positive or negative. We have the choice. Pray to our Heavenly Father for guidance.

One time, I and 25 children, were unfortunate enough to witness a "ranting" as I called it. The sharing time hadn't gone that smoothly.

I ALWAYS SAY 98% OF THE TIME IF A SHARING TIME DOES NOT GO SMOOTHLY IT IS OUR FAULT, NOT THE CHILDREN'S!!!!!

Why might I say this?

Because the adult hasn't prepared enough

the adult is talking too much

the adult didn't think about the children's needs

the adult isn't using proper language, suitable for children

the adult isn't energetic

the adult is stressed out or nervous

the adult is trying to do too much with not enough time

the adult is ignoring behaviors that detract from the spirit

the adult is chastising behaviors that combines also to detract from the spirit

it's not the kids who are talking, but the leaders in the background talking, detracting from the spirit... boo!! hiss!!

The ranting lasted for 12 minutes!!! Lecturing, belittling, publicly berating them in front of others... oh my, it was terrible! I was furious! I didn't stand up for the children. I know I should of, and I didn't. I am far from perfect. My point is this though "An inspired, loving rebuke can be an invitation to unity." (President Eyring Sept. 2008 Ensign) Please move your chairs, indeed. We don't need 12 minute lectures, we don't need constant "You're not being reverent, fold your arms now!" We need the Savior. We need our children to know who He is. Make your primaries places of unity. I often will stand by or direct their attention to the beautiful paintings of the Master to bring back focus if we've gone astray. I pray for the spirit to be with us.